I have been gearing up for my October Unprocessed Challenge. It has been a week and a half since I stepped back onthe scale and got the begeesus scared out of me. I have wrtten everythign down and I have goten ont he scale every day. The improvement has been dramatic! I am down almost 8 lbs in the week and a half. I hope to be down the entire 13 by October 1 when the challenge begins again.
I've thought about relationships a lot lately my relationships with food, family, friends, and myself. They're all tied together. It has been a difficult process learning to live alone again and enjoy life with myself, having only myself to rely on. Food got to be so comforting when I hurt. A bowl of popcorn with double butter helped when I missed Jon. I found a body pillow helped with those feelings. I could snuggle up with it rather than have a sandwich. When I start to get cravings, I slip on his old nightshirt and feel him with me.
I now keep a stock of Hallmark movies on the DVR for the nights I want to cry. I'm down to about one night a week with a movie and box of Kleenex. This past weekend I watched Pollyanna and cried my eyes out. It hurt and it felt good. Maybe by the time the next year passes I will beable to turn off the movies. I hope so.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
How to piss me off in one easy lesson
It's not always about nutrition. This article, http://news.yahoo.com/study-questions-much-better-organic-food-071356280.html, popped up yesterday. I don't eat organic because of it's enhanced nutritional value. Duh. A green bean is a green bean. I eat it because it does not have added chemicals. It's not because of the chemicals I can wash off either, it's because of the chemicals absorbed through the roots. Vegetables and fruit don't grow larger because of the chemicals on the outside, they grow large because of the chemicals absorbed from the soil into the vegetable.
The meat I choose is growth hormone free. I don't need extra growth hormones in my diet. I don't mind if the animals have some antibiotics if they get sick, but I do mind the antibiotics if they are given to the animal to prevent disease because the animals live in filthy conditions, crowded like my ancestors in steerage on their way to America. I prefer my meat to have been raised in a pasture, allowed to graze and live a stress free life until it hits my plate.
While the title of the article suggests all food is created equal, this was buried in the middle of the article:
Regardless of what the "study" says, I will continue to eat organic. I feel better, my skin has improved dramatically and I have lost weight. The cost remains close to what I was spending in my pre-organic days as I am satisfied with smaller portions.
The meat I choose is growth hormone free. I don't need extra growth hormones in my diet. I don't mind if the animals have some antibiotics if they get sick, but I do mind the antibiotics if they are given to the animal to prevent disease because the animals live in filthy conditions, crowded like my ancestors in steerage on their way to America. I prefer my meat to have been raised in a pasture, allowed to graze and live a stress free life until it hits my plate.
While the title of the article suggests all food is created equal, this was buried in the middle of the article:
"Her team did find a notable difference with antibiotic-resistant germs, a public health concern because they are harder to treat if they cause food poisoning.
Specialists long have said that organic or not, the chances of bacterial contamination of food are the same, and Monday's analysis agreed. But when bacteria did lurk in chicken or pork, germs in the non-organic meats had a 33 percent higher risk of being resistant to multiple antibiotics, the researchers reported Monday in the journal Annals of Internal Medicine.
That finding comes amid debate over feeding animals antibiotics, not because they're sick but to fatten them up. Farmers say it's necessary to meet demand for cheap meat. Public health advocates say it's one contributor to the nation's growing problem with increasingly hard-to-treat germs. Caroline Smith DeWaal, food safety director at the Center for Science in the Public Interest, counted 24 outbreaks linked to multidrug-resistant germs in food between 2000 and 2010."
Regardless of what the "study" says, I will continue to eat organic. I feel better, my skin has improved dramatically and I have lost weight. The cost remains close to what I was spending in my pre-organic days as I am satisfied with smaller portions.
Whew
I was afraid that it would be so hard to come back from the edge. I have proven, once again, that I have the capacity to do this as long as I use the tools at my disposal. I HAVE TO WRITE DOWN EVERYTHING I EAT, EVEN THE RIBS AT THE CAPRI LOUNGE. Once it's written down, I can make adjustment around it. For instance. I went out Sunday evening with friends to check out a blues venue. While we listened to the first set we could smell something delicious wafting through the venue. I couldn't help it, I got hungry!. Well, of course I was going to try the barbecued ribs. AWESOME! Tender, meaty, the right amount of spicy sauce, delicious. There were four of them on the plate and I ate them all. While I hadn't budgeted for them, I did have some room in my food plan for the day for a little more protein.
When I got home, I signed right into my software and plugged them in. I wasn't as far over for the day as I had thought! I didn't have to feel guilty. To make up for it, I cut 200 calories of protein from my Monday allotment. My years of accounting are paying off, lol. It's a balancing act and it is paying off. As of this morning I am down 5 of the 13 lbs. Those smaller jeans by Christmas are looking possible. I only have two more sizes to make my original goal, and honestly, if I stick to my plan as closely as possible, I could easily make that by Christmas. The only thing holding me back is myself.
When I got home, I signed right into my software and plugged them in. I wasn't as far over for the day as I had thought! I didn't have to feel guilty. To make up for it, I cut 200 calories of protein from my Monday allotment. My years of accounting are paying off, lol. It's a balancing act and it is paying off. As of this morning I am down 5 of the 13 lbs. Those smaller jeans by Christmas are looking possible. I only have two more sizes to make my original goal, and honestly, if I stick to my plan as closely as possible, I could easily make that by Christmas. The only thing holding me back is myself.
Saturday, September 1, 2012
I am back...
If I had to write and essay titled "What I Did On My Summer Vacation" it would read like this: I took a roller coaster ride to hell and back. I reached the seventh level of hell and returned relatively intact.
The last of April I took a week long vacation (much needed) to New York City and Montreal. I spent the second anniversary of my husband's death in Montreal eating French food, drinking wine and missing him like hell. Overall, I had a wonderful time travelling alone on planes and trains, using public transportation and talking to strangers. I made friends all over the eastern seaboard. And then I came home to my real life.
A week after I returned home I hit my lowest weight yet. I started to feel happy. Then I started to feel guilty for being happy. I was a widow; I was never supposed to be happy again.
After Jonathan died, I didn't have either the time or the inclination to mourn. I knew he was not healthy. I knew he had a bad heart. I knew we didn't have forever. I stayed rational, shedding tears on occasion, but never really mourning. I stayed numb for two years until I started to feel happy. The floodgates released and I was finally able to be angry with Jon for leaving me. I cried. I bitched. I found a great widow's website and finally started to heal, not of course, until I gained back 13 lbs and was barely able to get into my skinny jeans. I had become irregular and grumpy. I still ate healthy food, just too much of it.
There is nothing harder in this world than getting back on track. I got an announcement about the October Unprocessed Challenge coming up for 2012. It has almost been a year since I started this and it was time to reconfirm. I pledged to go unprocessed again. I thought about waiting until October to start, but I could be back where I started last year by that time! I signed onto my weight loss software again. I hadn't kept track of my food diary since late May. Shit. then I realized I hadn't blogged since April 23, before my vacation. Well, no wonder. First things first; back to keeping track of my food intake. 4 days later I am down 3 lbs. Whew. I'm going to wait another week before trying those jeans again.
I didn't just overeat this summer, no I made big changes in my life. I made progress in other areas which will help with this healthy eating process.
I cleaned out my closets this summer. I donated all the clothes which were too big for me, threw away those which were beyond redemption, sorted through boxes, reorganized, reorganized and reorganized again. I cleared out one entire closet in this little studio.
In addition, I opened up my head, took my brain out and examined it. I disassembled the whole thing, looked at all the pieces, threw a couple worn out pieces away and reassembled it into some semblance of order. I reinstalled with interesting results. I am a new woman. I am more stable, gentler (unless you say something stupid about being a widow) and even happier.
I am back on track.
The last of April I took a week long vacation (much needed) to New York City and Montreal. I spent the second anniversary of my husband's death in Montreal eating French food, drinking wine and missing him like hell. Overall, I had a wonderful time travelling alone on planes and trains, using public transportation and talking to strangers. I made friends all over the eastern seaboard. And then I came home to my real life.
A week after I returned home I hit my lowest weight yet. I started to feel happy. Then I started to feel guilty for being happy. I was a widow; I was never supposed to be happy again.
After Jonathan died, I didn't have either the time or the inclination to mourn. I knew he was not healthy. I knew he had a bad heart. I knew we didn't have forever. I stayed rational, shedding tears on occasion, but never really mourning. I stayed numb for two years until I started to feel happy. The floodgates released and I was finally able to be angry with Jon for leaving me. I cried. I bitched. I found a great widow's website and finally started to heal, not of course, until I gained back 13 lbs and was barely able to get into my skinny jeans. I had become irregular and grumpy. I still ate healthy food, just too much of it.
There is nothing harder in this world than getting back on track. I got an announcement about the October Unprocessed Challenge coming up for 2012. It has almost been a year since I started this and it was time to reconfirm. I pledged to go unprocessed again. I thought about waiting until October to start, but I could be back where I started last year by that time! I signed onto my weight loss software again. I hadn't kept track of my food diary since late May. Shit. then I realized I hadn't blogged since April 23, before my vacation. Well, no wonder. First things first; back to keeping track of my food intake. 4 days later I am down 3 lbs. Whew. I'm going to wait another week before trying those jeans again.
I didn't just overeat this summer, no I made big changes in my life. I made progress in other areas which will help with this healthy eating process.
I cleaned out my closets this summer. I donated all the clothes which were too big for me, threw away those which were beyond redemption, sorted through boxes, reorganized, reorganized and reorganized again. I cleared out one entire closet in this little studio.
In addition, I opened up my head, took my brain out and examined it. I disassembled the whole thing, looked at all the pieces, threw a couple worn out pieces away and reassembled it into some semblance of order. I reinstalled with interesting results. I am a new woman. I am more stable, gentler (unless you say something stupid about being a widow) and even happier.
I am back on track.
Monday, April 23, 2012
This is so tough to write...
Last week was more fun than you can possible imagine. It was also fraught with food, wine, Bourbon and more food. I debated putting it all in writing, but here goes.
I only went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday last week. I know. I vowed to make it 4 days and only made it two. It went downhill from there. Wednesday I had a semi-work-related wine and food tasting thing at my local winery. There were several caterers showing off their stuff. Oh my. The bacon caramel corn and collard green wrapped sushi. The build your own bruschetta with heirloom tomatoes and olive oils. And cupcakes. We sipped wine and tried everything. Somethings twice. Luckily they ran out of bacon caramel corn before I could go back for a third. When we wrapped this even up, we went to my local watering hole and I had a couple of shots of Bourbon. And, even though we didn't need it, we ordered two small pizzas and some deviled eggs. By the time the winery staff showed up the kitchen was closed so we wandered across the street for some Mexican food. I thought I would get a small burrito (there were two larges sizes on the menu) and it turned out to be enough to cover a platter. It went home with me and became breakfast. I woke at 4 am with severe GERD and almost throwing up. Two doses of baking soda later...I managed to get back to sleep. Then at noon, Sarah (who had been with me last evening) stopped by and held up a note which said, "I need grease." So, instead of a healthy lunch at work, we opted for grease next door. A patty melt, fries and vanilla milkshake later, I was comatose. Dinner that evening was at Scott's Seafood Restaurant. Nothing like more Bourbon and popcorn shrimp to top off a binge. During dinner, I kicked off my shoes. When I tried to slide them back on, they barely fit. My feet were swollen from all the salt. I tried detoxing on Friday and Saturday and did pretty good. But I was up in Sacramento and across the street from Marie's donuts. I needed coffee Sunday morning, didn't I? Well, Marie's apple fritters are off the hook. So are the glazed old-fashioned donuts. Don't forget the buttermilk bars. I had one of each with my coffee. In an effort to even out the fats, sugars, etc., I had a pint of blueberries for lunch. All followed by sushi for dinner.
I did not have the guts to get on the scale throughout this binge. This mornign I faced the music. All that food, no gym. I was prepared to throw myself off the bridge for having undone all the work of the past 6 months in one week. I was down 1.2 lbs from my previous low. I hadn't even seen my previous low in a month. I don't know what happened. I'm just going to take it as a gift. Rather like the cop not catching me speeding.
I only went to the gym on Monday and Tuesday last week. I know. I vowed to make it 4 days and only made it two. It went downhill from there. Wednesday I had a semi-work-related wine and food tasting thing at my local winery. There were several caterers showing off their stuff. Oh my. The bacon caramel corn and collard green wrapped sushi. The build your own bruschetta with heirloom tomatoes and olive oils. And cupcakes. We sipped wine and tried everything. Somethings twice. Luckily they ran out of bacon caramel corn before I could go back for a third. When we wrapped this even up, we went to my local watering hole and I had a couple of shots of Bourbon. And, even though we didn't need it, we ordered two small pizzas and some deviled eggs. By the time the winery staff showed up the kitchen was closed so we wandered across the street for some Mexican food. I thought I would get a small burrito (there were two larges sizes on the menu) and it turned out to be enough to cover a platter. It went home with me and became breakfast. I woke at 4 am with severe GERD and almost throwing up. Two doses of baking soda later...I managed to get back to sleep. Then at noon, Sarah (who had been with me last evening) stopped by and held up a note which said, "I need grease." So, instead of a healthy lunch at work, we opted for grease next door. A patty melt, fries and vanilla milkshake later, I was comatose. Dinner that evening was at Scott's Seafood Restaurant. Nothing like more Bourbon and popcorn shrimp to top off a binge. During dinner, I kicked off my shoes. When I tried to slide them back on, they barely fit. My feet were swollen from all the salt. I tried detoxing on Friday and Saturday and did pretty good. But I was up in Sacramento and across the street from Marie's donuts. I needed coffee Sunday morning, didn't I? Well, Marie's apple fritters are off the hook. So are the glazed old-fashioned donuts. Don't forget the buttermilk bars. I had one of each with my coffee. In an effort to even out the fats, sugars, etc., I had a pint of blueberries for lunch. All followed by sushi for dinner.
I did not have the guts to get on the scale throughout this binge. This mornign I faced the music. All that food, no gym. I was prepared to throw myself off the bridge for having undone all the work of the past 6 months in one week. I was down 1.2 lbs from my previous low. I hadn't even seen my previous low in a month. I don't know what happened. I'm just going to take it as a gift. Rather like the cop not catching me speeding.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
I bought them...
Two pair of the next size smaller jeans are now in my closet. OMG, they're tight but I can zip them up. I may have to wear them once before I could sit on a plane all night with them. I certainly can't put them through the drier before vacation!!! It doesn't matter; they are mine and they zip.
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Slowly....
My massage therapist stopped over last evening. I skipped the gym for a massage. I'm trading massages for marketing advice.
Ralph does a fabulous job. I hadn't had a really good massage for months and he was almost afraid to touch my back. I have had legendary knots in my back. I used to commute 80 miles each way and spend 10 hours at my desk. No exercise of any kind. I was held together by the knots in my muscles. He was SHOCKED at how my back was almost knot free. I highly recommend him.
And I still don't hurt from the crunches. Hm. I suppose that means I need to do more of them. I am NOT going to do an hour of them. I'm thinking I will add one more machine every week to my routine. Slowly. By the end of 2012 I should be really fit.
Ralph does a fabulous job. I hadn't had a really good massage for months and he was almost afraid to touch my back. I have had legendary knots in my back. I used to commute 80 miles each way and spend 10 hours at my desk. No exercise of any kind. I was held together by the knots in my muscles. He was SHOCKED at how my back was almost knot free. I highly recommend him.
And I still don't hurt from the crunches. Hm. I suppose that means I need to do more of them. I am NOT going to do an hour of them. I'm thinking I will add one more machine every week to my routine. Slowly. By the end of 2012 I should be really fit.
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